Adootion Journey

MY HEART IS BREAKING. MY GRANDMA TEXTED ME AND ASKED WHY I POSTED THE OTHER DAY ABOUT THIS ADOPTION THING BEING SO HARD. IT’S HARD BECAUSE WE CAN’T HELP EVERY CHILD. THERE ARE WAY TOO MANY HURTING CHILDREN COMING FROM HARD PLACES AND MY HEART IS BREAKING FOR THEM. I WANT TO HELP EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM BUT I CAN’T. I WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD STEP UP TO HELP THEM. BUT THE FACTS DON’T LIE... WAY TOO MANY KIDS AGE OUT OF THE FOSTER SYSTEM AND ARE NEVER ADOPTED. THEY DON’T HAVE A HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS AND A FAMILY TO SUPPORT THEM THROUGH COLLEGE AND THEY END UP ON THE STREETS AND THE CYCLE CONTINUES. MY HEART IS BROKEN AND I’LL KEEP CRYING FOR THESE KIDS UNTIL I MEET JESUS.GOD BLESS THESE CHILDREN.

Walking the Road of Infertility

Edit: I haven’t been on this blog in years. I just found this post in my drafts from over 3 years ago! After this post we started the adoption process and then God surprised us with a beautiful, blessed daughter, Gwyneth through a natural pregnancy. Now 3 years later we are certified to adopt and are an official waiting family. Praise the Lord for answered prayers!

Carter Edward, the most handsome 2 year old was born on August 5, 2013. While conceciving Carter I never took an ovulation test; we were extremely blessed by how quickly God gave us with this perfect gift. A year later in August of 2014 I first emailed my doctor. The email looked something like this, "Chris and I have never used birth control.. I want to be pregnant, and I'm not. What can I do?" She said to wean Carter and if I wasn't pregnant within 6 months to email her back. So a month later Carter was fully weaned. 8 months later I still wasn't pregnant, so I emailed my doctor. Later that month we were seen for our first infertility appointment. During that appointment the doctor did a series of test, and then after the appointment I told him I was a day late. He had me take a pregnancy test, and right away said it was negative. I was heart broken. Within an hour later the doctor called Chris' cell phone while we were at dinner and said that the test came back positive after all. Praise God. I went in for blood work the next day to confirm, and sure enough I was! We went back 6 weeks later with Carter sporting his "big brother" shirt. We saw a small fetus, but we didn't see or hear a heartbeat. The doctor assured us it was just too soon, and made us an appointment for two weeks out. Two weeks later we went back and heard a small heartbeat (about 40 beats per minute). The doctor prepared us and told us that our baby was "limping along." We were both in tears, but I couldn't believe it. I led myself to believe that I was less along than we thought and the heart just wasn't as developed yet. I told myself that God can move mountains, and we both had faith. When we went back next it was clear that I was having a miscarriage. The next week I passed our 8 week baby naturally. Then I went in for an ultrasound to make sure all was well only to find out that I had a 1.5 inch cyst on my uterus. Eventually this dissipated thanks to medicine. The next step was to get blood work to hopefully answer our questions regarding my infertility. We already knew that Chris has olympic sperm. We found out that I have diminished Ovarian Reserve; which means that I have a very small amount of eggs and half are bad quality. The causes are chemotherapy, radiation therapy, or genetics (specifically fragile X syndrome). Fragile X?! Huge red flag! At least 8 people on my dad's side of the family have fragile X syndrome. So 4 days later I got the blood work done to see if I am a carrier of Fragile X syndrome. And yesterday we got the results... I am a carrier. What does this mean? Females are XX and males are XY. Carter must have gotten my X that I received from my mom. If our next child gets the X I received from my dad he or she could have fragile X syndrome; which would COMPLETELY change our lives. Its a 50/50 chance. Don't get me wrong we would never, ever love this child any less than Carter. I have seen first hand in my family how lives are changed though. In Canada my aunt has been provided support from the government for her disabled children. I don't think that would be offered to us unless we were to move to Canada. Talk about life change! So now we are going through the steps of grieving; grieving the loss of what could've been, of the family we have dreamt of. We have felt shock, disbelief, and sorrow. Now we are processing and praying that God makes it clear to us both what our next steps should be. Do we trust God and get me on clomid and see what we are given. An egg donor is an option. Or do we get on birth control and start the adoption process.
Some people would say, "you are so blessed to have Carter. Why not stop trying now and be happy for what you have?" Yes, we are fully aware that Carter is an incredible gift from God, but our hearts are aching for siblings for Carter.
By pouring out my heart I am making myself incredibly vulnerable which is scary, but it is my hope that I can encourage anyone else who is walking down this same road. Infertility is not talked about enough and it can be a heartbreaking journey, so I want you to know that you are not alone. Writing this blog is also a way for me to process what I am going through. What I ask from you is to please pray that God will give Chris and I direction, and peace. What I don't ask for is advice... these are very personal decisions that we have to make, and no one can make them for us. Thank you!

Lord God, you are sovereign. I pray that you will strengthen my back; not lighten my load. I know you have brought me down this road for a reason, and it is my hope that I will glorify you in all things. Amen.

Philippians 4:13
Psalm 34:18
1 Thessalonians 5:18

“Clean” Blueberry Bran Muffins

I like to keep a nice hearty muffin in the freezer that I can grab in the morning after nursing Carter. The past couple of weeks I have been getting these horrible headaches, so I decided I would cut out sugar and see if that was the culprit. (Its going to be a hard habit to break, I think I'm pretty addicted to sugar!) This is my take on a clean blueberry muffin. Sweetened with honey and coconut oil instead of butter. I love the subtly of the coconut mixed with the berries and bran. These muffins will provide a healthy kick start to your morning! I hope you enjoy these as much as we did! 

2 eggs

1 cup milk                                                                                                        

1/2 cup greek yogurt                                                                              

1/2 cup coconut oil, melted                                                                

1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt

2 teaspoons baking soda

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 cup honey

2 cups Bran Cereal                                                                                 

1/4 cup shredded coconut

1 1/4 cups whole-wheat flour

1 cup all-purpose flour

2 cups fresh or frozen blueberries

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Whisk together the eggs, milk, yogurt, coconut oil, salt, baking soda, vanilla extract, and honey. Stir in the bran cereal and both flours and mix well until thoroughly combined. Carefully fold in the blueberries.

Fill 24 muffin tins with batter. Bake for 25 minutes or until the tops are firm and slightly brown. 

Adapted from:The Kitchn

What God is teaching me in my marriage

Our first year of marriage was the hardest but if you stay intentional and work at it; it continues to get better like a fine wine. Two selfish people who have their own way of doing things coming together is not a recipe for success. But if God is at the center of your relationship, you voice your expectations and communicate it will be easier! Communication... Easier said then done, right?! We have had to learn how to communicate and in a gentle and loving way. It's true that men wear blue hearing aids and glasses and women pink. I could go on forever but at the end of the day have patience with your spouse remembering they are only human and model your marriage covenant after Christ's covenant with His church (Ephesians 5).

We Are Having a Baby Boy!

The little boy growing inside me is about 29 1/2 weeks old! I am getting so excited to meet him. His nursery is pretty much done; other than some finishing touches we have to do. It is turning out exactly as I imagined. Today I made a packing list for the hospital. Next week we leave for our baby moon to Maui! When we get back from Maui we have a baby shower In Fresno, and then we just play the waiting game! I feel so blessed to have a baby growing inside me. It is such an honor! It's almost too good to be true. The Lord is so good! Tonight I can't sleep.. I got up to pee and slowly made my way back to bed. Stopping at each sleeping dog to hold their head in my lap, and rock them like a baby. The mom instinct is kicking in.. Full force! I imagine myself being up alone in the night rocking and feeding our baby while Chris and the two dogs snore all around me. As much as I am yearning for my baby to be here already I know that God gives us nine months to prepare for a reason. I want to be conscious to use this time wisely to date my husband, grow closer to God, and nest our home... Oh, and to get my precious sleep! Goodnight, ya'll!

Half Marathon Training: Foods to Fuel Your Workout

A good diet promotes higher energy levels.. and I'll need all the energy I can get to run 13.1 freaking miles!! High protein and fiber enables a longer lasting (slow release) energy. I am trying to be very conscious of my eating, so I can reach my goal of 13.1 miles! Don't get me wrong it's hard... brownies & pizza are my down fall, but it will be so worth it when I reach the Finish line!!
Things to incorporate in your runner's diet:

• Whole Grains: They digest slower than simple carbs (white flour ad sugar). Provides valuable amounts of nutrients and fiber enabling a longer lasting, stable energy.
• Starchy Vegetables: Energy enhancers
• Don't forget your greens! I try to incorporate spinach into 3 meals a day!! It is packed full of nutrients and protein... (remember, Popeye?!)
• Lean protein: Enhances brain function and balances blood sugar. Enhances and stabilizes energy. I try to consume 20 grams of protein 3 times a day. Eating this much of lean protein per meal (one chicken breat) fills (& fuels) me up, so I don't binge on sweets between meals.
• Legumes: Fiber!! Fills you up and helps you digest everything better!
• WATER: 6-10 8oz glasses a day!! This is key!!

Remember: YOUR LEGS ARE NOT GIVING OUT. YOUR HEAD IS GIVING UP. KEEP GOING.

Half Marathon Training

In August my hubby and I are running in the lululemon half marathon in Vancouver, B.C. Canada! I am so excited... it will be the weekend of my birthday and I just love Vancouver!! When we signed up a few months ago I knew I had to get my butt in gear and start training...  I ran cross country and track in high school, but it's been a while! So, I made a training schedule to enable me to slowly work my way up to 13.1 miles. I thought I would share it to help others that want to train, but don't know where to start.
Happy Training, friends! REMEMBER: IT NEVER GETS EASIER... YOU JUST GET BETTER!